Limits

[Mistress Whip Atlanta]

What are limits? Hard limits, soft limits, deal breaking limits! What does the word limits mean to you? Do you have limits?
MsWhip

[gapeach]

hmmm... limits... well, there's lots of kinds of limits...

for example - scat, kids and animals are some typical hard limits - meaning under no circumstances will i participate in any of this... i prolly have more, just haven't thought much about them, or been in a situation to discuss more than these...

soft limits - not sure... grins - i'll either try things, or i won't!

pushing limits - well, it's like this... say i'm on the cross, getting popped with a whip - i squirm and carry on (i'm an easy read - lol) and the Top knows that 'my end is near' on that particular activity.. They might give me a few more pops, since i've not called red, even though they see that i'm bout done with that...

i will say that i am always very careful with who i play with.. i get to know them very well beforehand (taking weeks and weeks!) and we always discuss whatever the activities are to be... i don't 'randomly' bottom for just anyone swinging a flogger, as it takes time to know people, their style, their 'severity?', their likes and dislikes... i have to trust that a Top will know me well enough, and be able to read me well enough to know how i will react, how much i can tolerate, and what i'm willing to do...

*adds the disclaimer of all this being from my brain - again! lol..

[voyrjo]

Limits are levels/acts/actions/things not desired by a person, or to the extent of what they desire. Hard Limits would be those behaviors/items not desired at all, and considered by the person to be absolute/unchanging... as in 'no' means 'NO'. Soft Limits would be those that would only be considered perhaps under proper conditions (partner, setting) or the level of how say the 'boundary' defining the limitation is foretold. Both of these are based on the perception of the individual. Some will consider pain a hard limit, others may not see it as a limit at all.. but a part of/required of play, and some will enable it as a soft limit- allowing another to push the boundaries of the limitation (pain being this example- might allow for playful soft smacks on the bottom, but not hard whacks/spanks).
With the perspective of the individual and their individual tastes/desires comes similarities of interest. Finding the common ground is considered, understanding that likes may not fully be shared but accomodated, can be important. It is when... even though similar interests are shared... that one of the party increasingly desires to participate in acts beyond the threshold of comfort, or desires (especially those which conflict with the person's personal thoughts fo the act/actions [taboo topics/play, immoral, unethical]), do they become a deal breaker. Perhaps one is into fantasies of rape play, another might find even the thought of play associated with an act of violence to that point a BIG dealbreaker.. and absolutely would not engae in it ever. It could even be something such as being polygamous... or wanting just a threesome, that could be the deal breaker, as it is not desired by the other to participate in.

Limits for me are have hard limits such as other men(presently), children, knives, needles, heavy pain, etc
While softer limits may be in the form of more disciplinary action like smacks on bottom, rather than spankings/whips/canes...

while

[Avaly]

Hmm, limits...well, there are physical limits, such as flexibility, breath control (how far before passing out), blood circulation (how tight to tie), and sensory overload (when the nerves go numb). There are personal limits, which would include play-type preference, gender preference, clothing toy and equipment preference. There are play-specific limits, such as what can be included in a scene and what can't. And there is the absolute limit, indicated by one's safe word.
Physical limits can, up to a point, be stretched--no pun intended--with exercise and practice. Personal limits can be evolved, changed, and adjusted. I would say those two types of limits are soft limits, since that line can be moved.
Play-specific limits and the absolute limit I would classify as hard limits, and ignoring those limits, or forgetting to stop at those limits, would necessitate a breach of trust that I consider unthinkable, which is why one should always always ALWAYS take the time to get to know the other person or people before participating in a scene!!
Regarding my limits--well, my hard limits include my safeword and 98% of the time an agreement that I will not be spat, defecated or urinated on (okay, that part is non-negotiable 100% of the time), any bruises I develop will be in locations that can be covered by ordinary clothing (which, of course, means no marks on my face), and nothing that will make me bleed. My soft limits are pretty non-specific; I have great flexibility, no real clothing preference, and few play-types that I dislike. I do have a gender preference in that I prefer men, and don't like to do more than kiss other women, but I don't object to be touched by women if my dom wants them to touch me.
So, to sum up, I would say soft limits are those that can be negotiated or adjusted, while hard limits are those agreed upon and are non-negotiable. And that, as a sub, one ought to be open enough to be agreeable to most of what a dom or domme wants.
~Avaly

[Stormweaver]

*Smiles* Great question indeed. I won't define the concepts any more purely then has been done by the other posters, but I would put out there a couple thoughts about limits.

One of the biggest things I've been dealing with in re-figuring out who I am, is figuring out where my limits are, what they are.. There are some things that I know for a fact I will not ever do for any reason, but then there is everything else. I've sat down and gone over one of those 1-5 scale lists of things, and found that I never fill it out twice the same way. Nothing drastically changes but in a months times tastes for this kink or fetish, or that kink or fetish do change as we change and as we satisfy or let go hungry various desires. I've had soft limits become hard limits for periods of time, and I've had a couple hard limits that fell from the list on the basis that I wasn't getting what I needed / wanted from things normally interested in doing, and they were places I would sacrifice in order to feed desires. Later, I looked at myself shamefully for dancing that line, regardless of addressing those desires or issues or not.. This has been a sore point with myself. Its something I think each person has to look at very carefully, and not only know what the limits are for one's self or with one's partner in scene, but why those limits are there, what it is that causes you to set the limit there, as our interests, kinks, and fetishes as well as our limits are based on needs, wants, and desires.

Well there ya go, I said it. Don't know if it made sense or not, but I tried!

Stormweaver / Dragon / Tempest