Lost my wife to a Dom?

[cptsparkle]

Hello. I need clarification or at least help. I'm overseas and will come home in about three weeks. Three months ago my wife encountered a Dom who introduced her to BDSM. She has expressed to me how this is turning her on and giving her total satisfaction to no end. We are swingers and not at all afraid of trying anything different or new. She never expressed to me her interest in this lifestyle. Her Dom and her have played everyweekend and during the week for the past three months. She writes me and gives me tidbits of what happens. Once she sent me pictures. Now I admit this has kept my fire burning while I gone and has given me interest. She also told me she is his domain. She stated she was collared by this guy. I understand that it means she is his property but I don't understand were I now stand as the husband. I wouldn't mind her playing with him on occasion or about once a month. I do admit to being somewhat of a cuck, but do like to assist her with another man. She has recently spent quite a sum on new lifestyle clothes and attending lifestyle get togethers. She says she is still my wife but wants to continue seeing him regularly.

So, as her husband..were do I stand? I would like to learn the ropes, pardon the pun, but she laughed at my suggestion. Our sex lives together has been great in the past.

What has happened? How do I stay her husband and her partner? Should I worry more than I do or am I making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Thanks for reading this and I'm sure you've encountered this question before. I appreciate any feedback.

[gapeach]

well, i will say, this is an interesting scenario... to have her off seeking the BDSM lifestyle while you're away.... although, it does seem common in the swinger lifestyle to have some of this incorporated...

*crud*.. as your original post disappeared from me writing this response! .. thinks.. you've become involved in this lifestyle, due to her interest in it, as opposed to you having a desire for it in the first place...

i guess, first off... i would hope she would have mentioned something to you first, before becoming "property" of someone else...honesty is a major factor in this lifestyle.. a lot of marrieds are assumed to be "cheating", as opposed to having an open relationship about all of this..

secondly, if you have any desire in being Dom/Top to her, i suggest you do some quick studying about all of this..unless you just want to be a "voyer" or even a non-participating member of her newfound lusts..there are lots of websites, as well as some Mmembers of this site, that can help educate you on this...

thirdly, if you are satisfied having her "submit" to another man, then mebbe you should check into that, as well, as that is also "part" of the lifestyle as well...lots of guys enjoy having their significant other "perform" things in their BDSM relationships...

ok.. sees i'm getting a lil redundant in the response.. sowwy!! << isn't part of a swinging couple....

waits to see Oothers responses..

but.. does say.. thank you for being over there for the rest of us! :) and glad you will be on this soil soon!!

*bows out.. and waits for other responses...

*peachie*

[gapeach]

p.s.... now that i've posted my reply, i can see the original post... and umm.. if she laffed at your desire to learn the "ropes".. i hope it was a humorous laff, and not a "you'll never make it" kinda laff....not meaning to be rude/cruel in any way, but well, if it were me, in her shoes, i would adore my significant other learning of the new things that turn me on.. and not shunning their willingness...

oh dear.. wonders if i should erase this before posting...<< doesn't want to be the killjoy!!

*peachie*

[cptsparkle]

Peach, thanks for the reply. In response, I do want to be part of her new found desires. We have talked about this for quite some time now actually. I didn't mind her finding him and having her submit to his desires either. What I do mind is the 24/7 that he spends at my house.

The property thing was not discussed with me at all. She stated that she had been collared by him for the third time. WTF. I have read all I could about the collaring action and it has me extremely worried.

I want to learn, I want to give her the satisfaction to fulfill her desires very much. I personally find this extremely exciting and erotic. I, in fact, want to take her to your club in Atlanta. I do not want to collar her because I do want her to experience other people. All the better for me to learn and create something for her and I.

I have read extensively for the past two weeks all I could get away with here. Unfortunately our internet access is closely censored and of course most of the sites I could not access.

I want to participate and please her to no end. She is my wife and I do love her dearly. I wrote her several times over the last two days and she has beat around and skipped around the subject like a tap dancer. She said we will talk about when I get home. I simply want her to drop him and allow me to fulfill her needs.

I'm very sorry if I got this confused with the Dr. Phil show but I was hoping someone here could help out.

Peach you have and I wouldn't mind bringing her to the club you talk about in Atlanta. Maybe you could recommend someone to help instruct the both of us.

Thanks again.

[gapeach]

well, i'm not Dr Phil, so no worries there.. lol... and yes, there are several here locally in the community that i would recommend as Mentors, for both of you...

i hate that you're getting a tap dance in response to your mails, but, *sighs* i guess it is something that will have to wait till you get back...

for her to be collared to a Him 3 times, tells me there's some issues there, on both Their parts...

i'll stop for now.. *grins - you're short time now!! please feel free to get in touch with me when you get on this side of the waters...

and don't worry... you will gain lots of new friends, as well as knowledge, and shoulders to lean on.. in the kink community around here :)

*peachie*

[cptsparkle]

Well, we have reached resolution. I was finally able to place a private phone call to her today. Privacy is running at a supreme price around here. Anyway, she agreed to break the relationship she has now and explore with me. She actually was happy that I wanted to explore and experience with her. She agreed that we find a mentor that will teach both of us at the same time. Also, a mentor that we both agree upon as a team. I realize I'm not using the correct verbage but sorry.

So...I would like to take her to 1763 in mid-July if that would be a good time.

Ms Peach, I would like to accept your offer of introductions.

Thanks for the insight. It did help me and provide some guidance.

You don't know my feeling of closure to an episode in my life that I thought was going to end in a very negative manner.

This is my seventh deployment to a hostile fire zone since 9/11 and I'm staying home for the rest of my career. I get a nice cushy slot at good ol' Ft Knox in Late July.

Thanks again and I'll be in touch later.

[gapeach]

delighted that things are going much better!! and glad that you'll be staying stateside after all that.. you've certainly "done your time"!

feel free to send me a private message here when you get back, and i'll let you know when some of the groups get together - either at the club, or for more public, social munches/meals... there's different ones in different areas...

in the meantime, feel free to post things around here.. it's a great source of information and feedback, as well...

catch up with ya'll soon! :)

*peachie*