Help

[Daddy B]

Very new to this

I have started dating a girl that is in an abusive relationship. I want to know if she is submissive or not. I like rough sex but she tells me I am too rough


Very confused

[Mistress Whip Atlanta]

I can see the confusion! There are several things to figure out...

1. Girl is in abusive relationship....Not good!
2. You want to know if girl is submissive...Is there something that makes you think she is submissive, has this been discussed?
3. Rough sex...doesnt necessarily make someone submissive!

Has the person brought up to you that she is submissive? Have you two discussed submission?

Help me here forum members!!!!!

[subversive]

Love-making needs to be consensual. Yes, a submissive WANTS to be dominated - that's what is so sexually exciting for them. But it's play. In my opinion it is definitely NOT healthy for anybody to dominate someone outside of play, ever.

Ask her if she is a submissive. If domination turns her on and excites her then great - you have found each other.

The part about her being in an abusive relationship, if she is really in one then she needs to get out of it. If it's a genuine abusive relationship then it's not play and it is damaging. Nothing good can come from that. She needs to get some professional help.

[Beast]

First thing, subversive, I'm guessing you've never seen a 24/7 Master/slave relationship? ...and that's not 'play'. Unless you define 'play' as a specific time allotted scene. <confused>

Daddy B - Help

Very new to this

I have started dating a girl that is in an abusive relationship. I want to know if she is submissive or not. I like rough sex but she tells me I am too rough

Very confused

Ok, I have to go on what you wrote....

If she is currently in an abusive relationship, that's bad. You're dating her, and she's still in the relationship....probably bad. Her being in an abusive relationship does not equal she's submissive. Enjoying rough sex don't equal dominant nor submissive (no matter which side of it you're on). Her not enjoying rough-sex don't equal 'not submissive'.

Basically, the equation you posted does not make a lot of sense to most of the pervs...er normal people here and you'll be getting some strange answers to your question.

You gave us minimal information, and not enough to help much other than, you should probably stop enjoying a sexual relationship with her and be a friend to her until she gets out of and past the abusive relationship. I suspect she needs a friend more than a 'lover'.

Ok, someone help me if you think I'm off the mark here!
Beast

[subversive]

That was put very well beast. Well said.

You're right - I am confusing some terms. One could easily be submissive and not like rough sex, or not be submissive and like rough sex, for example.

That's semantics and my terms were mixed up.

More fundamentally, however, I may have a problem with domination 24/7 as I believe you're defining it ( I could be way off base here - that may not be what you're saying at all ). If one is to be a responsible adult one must do one's own thinking and be willing to accept the consequences, to me.

That is not the same thing as letting somebody else make decisions for you and claiming that that is your choice.

It's very much like what is taught, or inculcated, in many religions, the sort of subservience required of women to their husbands. Yes, many adherents are very comfortable with this, many women do subvert themselves to their husbands in these social constructs.

I have serious problems with that sort of thing though. Maybe that's just me. It could just be my philosophy.

[Beast]

That was put very well beast. Well said.

You're right - I am confusing some terms. One could easily be submissive and not like rough sex, or not be submissive and like rough sex, for example.

That's semantics and my terms were mixed up.

That's not a problem. We all get mixed up occasionally with labels and terms we use. You'll find a lot of people using different terms/labels for the same exact meaning.


More fundamentally, however, I may have a problem with domination 24/7 as I believe you're defining it ( I could be way off base here - that may not be what you're saying at all ). If one is to be a responsible adult one must do one's own thinking and be willing to accept the consequences, to me.

That is not the same thing as letting somebody else make decisions for you and claiming that that is your choice.

It's very much like what is taught, or inculcated, in many religions, the sort of subservience required of women to their husbands. Yes, many adherents are very comfortable with this, many women do subvert themselves to their husbands in these social constructs.

I have serious problems with that sort of thing though. Maybe that's just me. It could just be my philosophy.

Well, everyone has a different need and/or want. Some people need to control everything all day and night. Some others need to control their careers, but want to give up all the power/control when they walk in the door of their house. ...and others want to give it all up all the time.

Here's a website that I found interesting. They occasionally have a discussion over whether what they do ties into BDSM or not. I think it does on the side of power exchange, but maybe not on the Bondage and S&M side of things. Read through some of the comments and articles on this site and see if you can identify with some of the subversive terms and feelings. http://www.takeninhand.com
Enjoy,
Beast